Too down to post…

I haven’t posted for a good few days now… why? I just didn’t feel I was able to without posting the most depressing stuff! I had my psycho docs appointment on Wednesday. It didn’t go too well. The lady who is normal with the doc wasn’t there and to be honest the doctor didn’t seem to have a clue who I was. It felt like I’d waited about six weeks for nothing. I thought I’d get some more answers – no – nothing. 

I called the lady I usually speak to the next day. I don’t know what she is. I think she’s my support worker or something – no one explains this stuff very clearly. Anyway, I explained to her that my racing thoughts were back and Ive never felt as down as I have since being on these silly tablets. She was going to speak to the doctor and call me back. No call back. I tried to call – nhs systems were down, I didn’t speak to her. 

Friday evening I called 111 – they told me to go to a and e. I didn’t feel desperate enough to be doing a and e. That seemed so dramatic. And how do I tell my loved ones who I am trying to be brace to that I need to go to a and e? I didn’t go. Saturday I still felt crap – not quite as bad as Friday but still bad. I called and spoke to someone in the mental health department. I ended up going to a and e that day. It wasn’t as bad as I thought. They spoke to me and listened to me. They asked me more questions in the few hours I was there than anyone has asked me in the past almost three months. I felt like they really wanted to get to know me. They insisted that they would get my doctor to see my asap and inform my worker that she needs to support me more. They’ve suggested that my medication is changed. 

Today is Sunday. The doctor is meant to call me tomorrow. For now, I wait…

25 thoughts on “Too down to post…

  1. Sounds like there is a lot going on. It’s so difficult being down and when doctors don’t seem to care it can be devastating. Thinking of you

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Things are rough but we get better in time. I hope to get back to my writing more its a great coping skill keeps me sane and distracted. It’s been hard there have been less support around me friends busy with work

        Liked by 1 person

  2. 111 are useless. Do you have an out of hours crisis number for when your usual mental health team are closed? I understnd where you are coming from. It took three crisis and many many phone calls to finally see a consultant. I understand what you mean feeling ashamed being in a and e. Stay strong love Amy x

    Liked by 1 person

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