I used to wonder why people would not take their tablets. If they know that they will make them better, why would they not take them? I think I get it a little now.
Yesterday I was having a bad day – everything went wrong to be quite frank. At about 10am I was in a complete state, blaming myself for everything and feeling completely useless. I realised at some point during the morning that I hadn’t taken my tablet. I wondered if I would feel better if I took it. I didn’t take it for about another hour. Partly because I didn’t want to believe I had to take this stupid tablet in order to feel better and partly because I didn’t want to feel better. I felt crap, I deserved to feel crap, my life is a mess and it’s all my fault. That’s how I felt. I felt like I didn’t deserve to just be able to take a tablet to make myself feel better. I had put myself in this situation so I should take responsibility and be miserable. I shouldn’t be able to take a tablet to numb the pain. I took the tablet.
This morning I had quite the opposite feeling. Same sort of time of day, I was feeling quite ok. I didn’t want to take my tablet because I felt ok – I felt, that was the main thing. I find the tablets numb me sometimes and I liked feeling something a little more. I took the tablet.
I took the tablet both days but I get why people wouldn’t and I realise how important it is to make sure that someone is checking that I take them because if my brain put it to me much more I may not have taken the tablets… scary head!