Bipolar

Normal – is it scary!

So, all I want is to feel normal. I’ve been feeling almost like normal Me for a few days now. A little down, but at least I’m feeling. I forgot to do my mood chart for a few days – I tried to forgot that I have a mental illness really. So, if I have felt so normal, why do I feel so so scared. I’m scared because I don’t know if I’m meant to feel like this or if this means the tablets aren’t working and I am at risk of, well at risk of being bipolar me. Why do I have to be scared of being the me I have always known :(. 

I felt really calm and empty. Now I am sitting here with feelings, I look back, not necessarily liking that feeling. I almost lost my personality. I didn’t dislike the feeling whilst I was feeling it though, I quite liked it. Why am I so scared to feel. I don’t understand if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Part of me doesn’t want to go back to feeling calm and empty, yet it felt safe and part of me wants it back so so badly. How do I know if this is how I am meant to feel. I don’t understand it all. It goes back to the time thing I suppose, give it time…

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10 thoughts on “Normal – is it scary!

  1. Hey, I totally understand what your saying. Sometimes, when you have spent so long feeling one way, it’s hard to come to terms with feeling different and possibly getting better.
    This blog post is very thought provoking and I enjoyed reading it. Like you say, give it time and you’ll work it out 🙂
    Caitlin

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is something I am trying to work on. Having been depressed for a while I am scared of being happy as I worry it’s the start of a manic episode when in reality it’s just normal. I totally get the feeling scared.

    Liked by 1 person

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