Bipolar

I managed to do something…

Yesterday I managed to sort a few things out. Before then every time I had tried to sort out bills and things I had really struggled but yesterday I spent a good couple of hours making phone calls and sorting a few things. It sounds like something so small but I’m sure that’s what set off my panick attack last week so I’m proud of myself! 

I also spent a bit of time thinking about what I’d said about how I feel about mental health. I am scared of it. Not just other people but me as well. It’s a scary thing. I have thought about the avoidance part though. I do avoid people that are down but that it because I’m not strong enough myself to not fall down with them. I accept that I feel too much so instead of being able to help someone although I would try, I would then feel it and it would bring me down. I feel that’s justified. I know that when I am strong I do not avoid, I try to help. I don’t feel that this is a bad thing, I think it is me protecting myself. 

Yes I am still scared. I am scared of what I will become. I know that I don’t want to be what I have been lately though, that keeps me going …

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