So…. maybe today is the first day of the rest of my life! I have just taken my first mood stabiliser….. let’s see how I get on.
I have today had a life changing doctors appointment… I’ve never known much about blogging but I thought…hey, my life is about to change dramatically, let’s start a blog!
After waking up Sunday morning and wondering what on earth had happened for the past 4-5 months I finally decided it was time to go see the doc! I have had times of depression throughout my life and now I realise, also manic episodes. It wasn’t until Sunday morning that I really saw this though. I woke up feeling like Hyde, wondering how I was going to fix everything that Jekyl had done? That was my initial thought that Sunday morning.
By Tuesday, I had managed to compose myself enough to get to the doctors without being in floods of tears. There it was that the doctors confirmed it, those awful words that I’d been dodging since my mum first suggested it over ten years ago ‘bipolar’. This time, I couldn’t deny it, I knew I was the perfect fit and I had just had a major manic episode that I knew I could not cope with going through again.
So, I sit here now, one tablet down, anti depressant ready to take when I wake up. I am so scared of taking these tablets, this Me is the only me I have ever known as an adult. I’m scared of being a normal person – that’s not me! I know it has to be done though. During this episode, I managed to split with my boyfriend of six and half years (my four year old daughters daddy), quit my job and finally piss off my best friend and risk losing her. At the time, it all felt fine, then the crash comes. I know I can’t cope with that crash again.
So…. here goes, I’m starting my new chapter in life. Not quite what I expected, but hey ho, lets go!!